The Main Cast

Halifax
Halifax is quite possibly the worst person to have as a friend. He takes great joy in the misfortune of others, particularly Shakra's. He often goes out of his way to ruin Shakra's day... not because he is cruel, you undewrstand, but simply because it's funny.
He has a knack for falling backasswards into relationships without noticing, and seems blessed with some unexplainable luck that seems to defy the entire principle of karmic payback.

Halifax has not turned up to work for two years but is still being paid every month, which he is reluctant to find out more on because it may well lead to him having to pay them back retroactively.

Holly Qi
Halifax's ex-wife, whom he originally stole from Ormrod. The two married quickly in 1997 and then fled to Russia where they worked for three years before divorcing and returning to England. She's recently moved back in with Halifax, on a temporary basis.

Vince From Upstairs
Vince is a habitual stoner who lives upstairs from Halifax and Shakra's flat. If it weren't for the munchies he'd never eat. He once went without eating for so long that he ceased shitting and forgot how to wipe his arse.

Landlordski
Lordland L. Landlord, as his crudely-forged passport reads, is an ex-KGB agent who went into organised crime following the collapse of the Soviet Union. After a decade in the Russian Mob, he retired from a life of crime to England, where he owns several properties. After all, a landlord is only one step away from being a criminal, since they charge so fucking much and give so little in return, particularly when they won't fix anything for four goddamn months after you've told them again and again but woe fucking betide you if you miss a rent payment by three and a half hours.
Landlordski has got it into his head that Shakra is, in fact, a girl and has designs on turning his arse into the Japanese flag.

Midnight Soliloquy
Midnight Soliloquy is an alias of Shakra's online gaming nemesis. In addition to being one of the most capable and feared gamers outside Japan, she is also branching out into hacking - currently only practical hacking, but who knows what the future may hold?
Not bad for an American girl two months shy of her fifteenth birthday.

Kali Armin
Kali is one of Shakra's sisters. She recently escaped a violent relationship after having her boyfriend Mark arrested and sentenced to a year in Longview Prison.
She works as a freelance illustrator and her work has adorned the pages of several well-respected periodicals. Her other works include book covers, most notably for the horror author Mercy Woods, with whom Kali lived as a student.
Kali has a daughter, Honey, by her abusive ex-boyfriend.
Kali currently resides with her boyfriend Ormrod Hardrada in Milton Hoight, following the loss of one of her eyes to Rio Dresnik of the Northolt Fraternity.

Honey Armin
Honey is Kali's daughter by Mark - her ex-boyfriend, currently serving time in Longview Prison. Honey is short and sweet and rather stupid and regularly wets the bed due to a certain person dressing up as Santa at Christmas and telling a mallful of children H.P. Lovecraft-inspired seasonal tales.
Honey recently got a pet kitten and promptly named it Michael Howard, which just goes to show that TV is a bad influence on children. The kitten was subsequently taken off her by her evil bitch hell queen of a mother.
Honey currently resides with her evil bitch hell queen mother in Milton Hoight.

Rio Dresnik
Rio is a vicious bastard and an up-and-comer in the Northolt Fraternity, an old money club that formed from the graduates of Milton Hoight University. Rich, white, and male, the fraternity has fallen from the lofty ideals it originally tried to embody. Rio is determined to set about wresting control of the fraternity from Jack Palomino and remaking it in his own image.

Norman 'Ormrod' Hardrada
Ormrod is an old friend of Halifax. They worked together a few years ago on the Smokestack, City newspaper in Milton Hoight. Ormrod has gone on to become editor of the Southside section of the Smokestack, marshalling his team of reporters into beating the deadline before he beats them in return.
Ormrod currently resides with Kali Armin and her daughter Honey in his Milton Hoight apartment. For some reason, he wears a freaky serial killer mask during sex.

Shakra Armin
Shakra is a long-time loser and a firm believer in the phrase 'Shit happens when you least expect it'. Of course, as he always expects it, every moment is simultaneously the moment when he least expects it.
He is terminally unable to find a girlfriend, a fact which bothers him a great deal.
He moved in as Halifax's flatmate some time ago following an incident which may or may not have involved an attempted mugging with a Phillip's head screwdriver when in the grips of the dreaded Marmite munchies.
Shakra has very strange eating habits, most notably his fixation with consuming great works of English Literature and Marmite sandwiches.
He works on a construction site where his safety record skews the national accident statistics so heavily that the simple act of standing next to him halves your life expectancy.

Supporting Characters

Tara Armin Tara is sister to Shakra and Kali. She is most often seen playing peacemaker between her various siblings. Nothing much more is known about her.

Arthur Lee Miller
Arthur Lee Miller is the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Alas, God failed to foresee the pessimism of modern science on virgin pregnancies, combined with a stupidly permissive culture that views abortion as a form of contraception. Thusly, the poor aborted foetus fetched up on e-Bay, all the world unaware of His true divinity. He was bought by Halifax and later eaten by Shakra, who replaced him with a jellybean proxy.

The Schrödinger's Gwyneth Paltrow Head
This cardboard box may or may not contain the severed head of teary-eyed Oscar® Winner Gwyneth Paltrow. Nobody shall know until the box is opened, until which point the state of her head remains in quantum uncertainty.
Gwyneth Paltrow recently dropped a sprog fathered by Chris Martin, lead muppet of whinging middle class band Coldplay. Although having said that, 'Yellow' was quite good when Alex Parks covered it. For some unknown reason, they saw fit to curse the poor fucker with the name 'Apple', because the daughter of an Oscar® winning movie star and multi-award winning music star isn't going to have enough problems going through school.

SuperTurd
Formed at great pressures in the compression chambers of Shakra's inhuman guts, SuperTurd is a sentient combination of the foetus known as Arthur Lee Miller, great works of English literature, vast quantities of fast food, and possibly Shakra's back door key, after all, who knows, it did go missing and he's like a magpie that one.
SuperTurd was last seen seemingly committing suicide by hurling himself down a flushing toilet.